Searching for hope

Benazir Bhutto, the Pakistan opposition leader who was assassinated 12/27/07



Anna Deveare Smith as Cornell West
NOW PBS
Podcast 8/11/06

I use the language of decline, decay and despair rather than doom, gloom and no possibility. Because I think any talk about despair is not where you end, but where you start.

And then the courage and the sacrifice come in, but at the level of hope not optimism.

Optimism and hope are different. Optimism tends to be based on the notion that there's enough evidence out there that allows you to think things are gonna be better--much more rational, deeply secular.

Whereas hope looks at the evidence and says, It doesn't look good at all.

Says, It doesn't look good AT ALL.

Says, We're gonna make a leap of faith--go beyond the evidence in an attempt to create new possibilities based on visions that become contagious to allow us to engage in heroic actions--always against the odds, no guarantee whatsoever! That's hope!

That's hope.

Holiday Ho-Hums

I was doing alright. Truly.

I have been taking my anti-depressant religiously. I have been exercising. I have continued to participate in social activities and go to work.

But I'm just fed up this week. I've nearly lost my temper several times picking battles that aren't worth it. I'm pissed all the time. I feel lonely all the time.

I want:
holiday decorating with friends and family
homemade pumpkin pie, hold the whip cream
hugs, and more hugs
smiles and laughter and twinkling eyes
kisses and caresses
love and rest

Instead, I'm going home to my cat* and my DVDs and my cereal-for-dinner life.

*I love my cat; he's the only thing that shows me love and cuddles with me right now.